THEY SAID YES!!!!!!

Well,here she is,our future daughter Shen Lian Qing. We got the call today that we were pre-approved by China. We only have few hundred more hoops to jump through and she will be ours forever. I have a swirl of emotions running through me. Everything from giddy excitement to"OMG"fear. I will continue to put this in the Lord's hands&ask for his guidance. I will write more soon,right now I am going to go do a"happy dance"

Still Waiting...

We still haven't heard anything on our pre-approval from China. We have been chipping away at our paper work. We all had physicals and Brandon was fingerprinted for DCFS last week,we meet for our 2nd visit with the SW on Tuesaday and July 8th, we go to the Immigration Dept for re-fingerprinting. Time is really going quickly. Summer is flying by. Brandon leaves for his mission trip with church on July 3rd. Please pray for him and his team as they bring the word of God to the poverty stricken areas of St. Lucia. Two weeks with no contact with him is going to be rough for me. Hopefully, we will get some adoption news in those two weeks. Until then I give it all to the Lord for he knows best!

AHHHHHHH!!

Well,we had our home visit yesterday and it's all a little overwhelming! We basically are completely starting over with the home study,we have important documents expiring,issues with "switching countries", paper work coming out our ears,Brandon becoming an "adult"in September,which is a whole other problem as far as paperwork is concerned.
Last night I went to bed and cried. I am already exhausted from all we have gone through for the past few years,the paperwork,the disappointments,the waiting and then I saw this glimmer of hope. I now feel as if overnight someone has dropped a brick wall in front of it. I prayed that God would give me strength and direction and he has answered. I called a friend who has already adopted from China and basically had melt down. She is amazing in her knowledge and clarity of it all. She is helping me(a lot!). I feel like she is truly heaven sent because I don't know if I could do it all by myself.Thank God for the angels among us!
As much as I am excited and eager to hear about pre-approval,a part of me hopes it takes a while because as soon as we have that,the 3 month clock starts ticking. I know I have to just give it all to God and let his plan and timing happen. Whew- I feel better already.

coincidence or a "sign"??

The other day I was surfing the web. I made a stop at eBay and was putting in random words that came to mind. I decided to put in "Lian" since that is technically the waiting girl's name we are hoping to adopt and up pops this Cherished Teddy named Lian. A bear designed from China with "Our Friendship Spans Many Miles" stamped on the bottom.As some of you know I used to collect Cherished Teddies. I stopped after they had made a bear with every member of my families name. I sat their dumb founded at the thought that A) there was even a Chinese bear made and B) of all the names that it could have it has the same name as "our girl". I know to some it is nothing,just a coincidence but for me it was a moment that my heart skipped a beat.
I had another moment today that my heart skipped a beat. I called the agency because I was wondering when we could start the process for the pre-approval. She told me it has already been sent with our letter of intent to China. I guess the financial info we filled out and agency application, along with family photos have already been sent to China requesting pre-approval. We could know in as little as a week whether we are pre-approved or not. WOW! We have our home visit on Thursday. I am little nervous. I'm not sure why,we have had two before with the other agency but this is a new person. I guess I'm afraid she'll check a closet and decide it's too messy and we're not fit to parent a child LOL. I'm really trying to stay grounded and not let my heart get in too deep but it's hard. I find myself daydreaming about her all the time.
Every night when I pray I give this adoption to God and trust that he knows what is best for everyone involved. Hopefully,that is this very long,hard journey has all been so we could find this child and bring her home to her forever family.

Moving Along

Well,things are moving right along. This week we sent in our application along with some other paperwork,contacted the SW for updating our home study. She is planning on doing the home visit the week ot June 9th.(Yikes) I typed out the"Letter of Intent" which basically lets China know there is someone who wants to adopt a waiting special needs child. Next will come the BIG things,the pre-approval and the dossier.It will take 2-4 weeks to find out if we are pre-approved. If we are then we have 3 months to submit a dossier and will travel 2-4 months after that is received. I am so glad I am going to be off when all of this paprework is happening. I am trying not to get TOO excited because we all know how quickly things can change(for good or bad). I do find my self daydreaming of what it would be like to have her home. Sometimes a wave of fear comes over me but then I give it to God and know he will be leading us the whole way.:)

An Open Door?

A lot has happened. We were sent a file of a waiting little girl in China by an agency I contacted about a Thailand program. She is a waiting child in China. She is four years old. She has a repaired cleft lip/palate. I have seen God work in the last three days. He has opened door that were once closed. We were once told China was not a good choice because of Chuck's DUI. This agency feels because it has been over twenty years ago,it shouldn't be a deal breaker. They said we could get pre-approval before submitting all the paperwork. I am cautiously excited, a little overwhelmed at the thought of the paper work ahead of us. I have a strange calm about me(which is NOT like me)that I need to give this to God and he will make happen what is to happen.
God has placed her on our path, I don't know the future,I don't know if she is the "one" but we feel that we need to step out in faith. It would certainly explain the HEARTBREAK of the last few months. She is older than we had planned but maybe God knows that a toddler/baby doesn't really fit in to a family with 18 and 13 year old boys. Honestly,after the initial adjustment an older child would probably fit in better with our family. I had written out a whole other blog with her picture but then I felt like that was unethical to post her picture without knowing if she is "ours" or getting permission from the agency. Please pray for God's guiding hand with this situation. :)

Where in the world are you?

It's 4a.m. I can't sleep because my mind races with confusion. Yesterday a sense of panic came over me, that we had done the wrong thing withdrawing from Vietnam. What if it only closes for a few months? Does God Let you go down a wrong road for a year and then say no? If He does why? I was kidding myself thinking my heart could rest. I tried to replace the yearning with worldly things like our vacation ,talk of remodeling the kitchen. It always come back to this yearning in my heart. If it's not suppose to happen then why doesn't God make it go away. I have NEVER had a hard time with any of my birthdays. I have always been excited and had a child like attitude. This year I can't stop crying because I am another year older and I am NO closer to fulfilling this dream. I always said as long as we were on the road to getting her by the time I was 40, I wouldn't be too old. Last year I was on the road,everything was moving along. Tomorrow I will be 41 and I don't even know where to begin to look for her. God knows I don't want to pick the wrong road AGAIN. I know most people don't understand why I can't let this go. I FEEL her in my heart, like she is my daughter. I believe GOD put it there. I believe with all my heart, even now, this IS suppose to happen. May be that is why God won't let me rest. This is what it feels like- Your child is missing and you have to find her, but you can't. No matter how hard you try and pray, she is out there lost. You can't rest because you don't want her to have to spend one more day than she has to lost and afraid. You can't rest until she is home with her family, where she belongs. WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU????? Please pray for me, for guidance, for God to show me the way to fill this calling, however that may be. I need my heart to be at peace.