Moving Along

Well,things are moving right along. This week we sent in our application along with some other paperwork,contacted the SW for updating our home study. She is planning on doing the home visit the week ot June 9th.(Yikes) I typed out the"Letter of Intent" which basically lets China know there is someone who wants to adopt a waiting special needs child. Next will come the BIG things,the pre-approval and the dossier.It will take 2-4 weeks to find out if we are pre-approved. If we are then we have 3 months to submit a dossier and will travel 2-4 months after that is received. I am so glad I am going to be off when all of this paprework is happening. I am trying not to get TOO excited because we all know how quickly things can change(for good or bad). I do find my self daydreaming of what it would be like to have her home. Sometimes a wave of fear comes over me but then I give it to God and know he will be leading us the whole way.:)

An Open Door?

A lot has happened. We were sent a file of a waiting little girl in China by an agency I contacted about a Thailand program. She is a waiting child in China. She is four years old. She has a repaired cleft lip/palate. I have seen God work in the last three days. He has opened door that were once closed. We were once told China was not a good choice because of Chuck's DUI. This agency feels because it has been over twenty years ago,it shouldn't be a deal breaker. They said we could get pre-approval before submitting all the paperwork. I am cautiously excited, a little overwhelmed at the thought of the paper work ahead of us. I have a strange calm about me(which is NOT like me)that I need to give this to God and he will make happen what is to happen.
God has placed her on our path, I don't know the future,I don't know if she is the "one" but we feel that we need to step out in faith. It would certainly explain the HEARTBREAK of the last few months. She is older than we had planned but maybe God knows that a toddler/baby doesn't really fit in to a family with 18 and 13 year old boys. Honestly,after the initial adjustment an older child would probably fit in better with our family. I had written out a whole other blog with her picture but then I felt like that was unethical to post her picture without knowing if she is "ours" or getting permission from the agency. Please pray for God's guiding hand with this situation. :)

Where in the world are you?

It's 4a.m. I can't sleep because my mind races with confusion. Yesterday a sense of panic came over me, that we had done the wrong thing withdrawing from Vietnam. What if it only closes for a few months? Does God Let you go down a wrong road for a year and then say no? If He does why? I was kidding myself thinking my heart could rest. I tried to replace the yearning with worldly things like our vacation ,talk of remodeling the kitchen. It always come back to this yearning in my heart. If it's not suppose to happen then why doesn't God make it go away. I have NEVER had a hard time with any of my birthdays. I have always been excited and had a child like attitude. This year I can't stop crying because I am another year older and I am NO closer to fulfilling this dream. I always said as long as we were on the road to getting her by the time I was 40, I wouldn't be too old. Last year I was on the road,everything was moving along. Tomorrow I will be 41 and I don't even know where to begin to look for her. God knows I don't want to pick the wrong road AGAIN. I know most people don't understand why I can't let this go. I FEEL her in my heart, like she is my daughter. I believe GOD put it there. I believe with all my heart, even now, this IS suppose to happen. May be that is why God won't let me rest. This is what it feels like- Your child is missing and you have to find her, but you can't. No matter how hard you try and pray, she is out there lost. You can't rest because you don't want her to have to spend one more day than she has to lost and afraid. You can't rest until she is home with her family, where she belongs. WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU????? Please pray for me, for guidance, for God to show me the way to fill this calling, however that may be. I need my heart to be at peace.